Anonymous asked: I swear I used to feel too. Once upon a time. And now theres nothing. No rage, grief, joy, kinship, loyalty. Feeling like you belong and that everything's right even for a moment. Its just empty. You're not alone is all I can say. If i knew a way to get out of this state... well then I wouldnt be in it
Thanks. Atleast I’m not alone. It sucks, being this numb. I pray that you are able to feel and experience emotion again. It’s the essence of life, and everyone takes its for granted until they realize its gone.
I’m not a writer. And honestly, if there was a better way to begin this little mind blurp I would do it, but then again, I wouldn’t know.
I’m not living my life. Even writing it out I’m beginning to tear up due to the sheer truth and hatred that belongs to those words. I’m just another person, breathing this air, occupying more space on our planet, wasting these resources, because I’m not living my life.
It’s not like I feel there’s a certain way I should live my life like spending every waking moment with the people I love or skydiving and doing a bunch of crazy things. I just feel nothing. There’s nothing here, and I’m so numb to it, it honestly terrifies me that I’ll be in this state for the rest of my life.
I’m even surprised that writing all this out is even provoking any kind of emotion. I never cry. I never get to that feeling of being so upset that I need to express it physically. Most people wouldn’t see this as a problem, but I do. I want to feel extreme rage, I want to feel so terrified that it gives me a sense of action, to mourn and cry for things that truly upset me. Why can’t I feel these intense emotions anymore? I swear I did once. Maybe I did, I’m not sure. Maybe I’ve been numb my whole life and now I’m realizing it. Shit, no. Fuck. I can’t avoid thinking that this might be the case. Because I think thats the reason I don’t feel. I’m an extremely avoidant person.
Jesus. I’ve been avoiding life since I can remember. Fuck. I’m even doing this as I’m writing this. “Ok, lets forget about this and go back to studying, or wasting your life in your room, fantaszing about what life would be like.”
Shit, why can’t I just live? Be the moment. Fuck the rest. Why do I care so much about what others think?
Why do I care? I feel like all this worry and all this stress and anxiety is preventing me from everything.
Sorry if you’re reading this shit show of a post. I was being honest when I said I couldn’t write.
I want to feel. I want to be dangerous. I want emotions, I want danger.
I want to give these things to myself, and yet myself is the problem. I dont know how to do these things. How do you teach yourself to stop acting like yourself?If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.
It’s not like I hate myself. I honestly am very proud of the person I’ve become. I’m kind, hard working, caring, helpful, genuine.
I like who I am, I just dont like the life I’m living.
SPEECHLESS. Amazing trailer. Amazing story. Amazing cast. Amazing crew! We are completely and utterly speechless. Brilliant! Now please August 22nd hurry up!!